Control

Breathe. 

I like to be in control.

I don't think I am a controlling person, in the sense that it has to be "my way or the highway" or anything like that. But I don't like "going with the flow" or having the "whatever happens, happens" attitude.  I seriously get sorta panicky when I don't know what's coming next or if things are left to chance.

This applies to several areas of my life but what I'm focusing here is control over what I eat.  I don't like not being in control.  I can't leave it to chance. Or it gets ugly.  As I saw on vacation. 

This is a fairly new revelation for me.  I spent my whole life not in control and grew to be over 300 lbs. at one time.  My life changed, got exceedingly busier with 3 kids and I slowly gained control. Over my life. Over my eating.

While I was on vacation I lost some control. Not all of it but enough. I didn't enjoy it and today was like a breath of fresh air.  I regained my control.  For today.

I had a good eating day.  I planned and knew what was coming ahead and ate accordingly.  Breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks went according to planned and I am finishing up a bowl of 100 calorie popcorn. I'll finish up just under 1400 calories for the day.

Breathe.