Day 84 of 120

We went over to a friends house for dinner tonight.  They served fajitas.  I love fajitas.  (who doesn't?) 

I panicked when they first invited me.  Because I would be missing out on good food?  No, that's not why.  I panicked because I haven't been overly vocal about my new diet plan this week and I was afraid to let the cat out of the bag so to speak.  Plus, I really didn't want to offend them by not eating this delicious meal they prepared.

Normally, I would just pick at something and eat a small bit.  Well, this time, there was nothing I was going to eat.  I ate my dinner before even going so I was satisfied. They kept telling me that chicken is healthy and that I just HAD to try the dessert.  I apologized and told them not to be offended but this week I just had my certain foods I was eating and next time I would eat for sure!!  In the end, they were very supportive and they understood what I was doing.

Again, it wasn't hard.  I wasn't depriving myself or missing out on anything special.  I'm sure the food tasted good but what I enjoyed was spending time with a great Christian family and having a wonderful discussion with them.  That will be more memorable and important than any kinds of food. 

Lets remember to keep our lives simple and focus on the more important things in our lives.

Day 83 of 120

I cook a lot.  I have like 13 other people that I am cooking for.  So I am in the kitchen a lot.  Seriously, there is someone always eating or wanting to eat in this house.  My meals that I am eating this week, are simple, delicious and very easy to prepare.  So constantly being in the kitchen kinda stinks.  I know, get over it, right? 

I made enchiladas the other night for the family. I made a double batch so I could freeze some for next month.  Normally, if there is something I make that is not on "plan food", I either factor a small bit of it in or at least take a bite so I can critique it.  Not this time.  Not even a lick.  I made homemade enchilada sauce, cut and sauteed all the veggies, wrapped them up, smothered them in sauce and cheese, baked them and watched everyone smack their lips in approval.  

Was it hard?  Yes and no.  Sure I wanted an enchilada. But I knew that what I was doing was more important than the enchilada.  My finally losing this fat is more important than the enchilada.  Even if it WAS a healthy enchilada. Only 244 calories, no meat, real foods and quite tasty & filling from what I hear.

Did I feel like I was depriving myself?  I weigh over 200 lbs. Do I LOOK like I am deprived of anything?!  I don't think so.  I will eat enchiladas again for sure. Just not this week.   

Day 82 of 120

I'd been snacking more than usual. Not a ton but more than usual. You know, a few cheerios when getting food for the kids, a bite of pizza crust that the kids don't eat, a few pretzels when handing out snacks.  I factored it in but still, it was happening way too much. 

Well, there is no snacking on this plan.  Not that there really was on the other plan but this is all or nothing.  No snacking. I've realized how bad my snacking had gotten as I catch myself all the time wanting to put something stupid in my mouth.  Not out of hunger. Not out of desire or craving. Just because it's THERE. No other reason. 

If nothing else, this plan is going to break that habit of snacking.  Just in the last few days of the plan, I can see the snacking desire if getting way better.  Monday and Tuesday, I constantly thought of putting things in mouth for no reason.  Today, I saw some grapes that looked good and thought to pop a few but of course didn't. Otherwise, I haven't really thought of it.

Eating should not be a habit.  Eat to live, not live to eat.

Day 81 of 120

So I mentioned earlier in the week that my head just hadn't been in the game, it was like the switch just flipped off for a couple of weeks and that's why this new plan sounded so appealing.  I KNEW that I would be forced to be focused and that I would get my head where it needs to be. 

I fully believe that weight loss is a mind game.  I know how to lose weight. Eat less, move more. Duh!

But, if your head isn't in it, it doesn't matter what you know, you're going to do what you WANT, not what you know. 

Smokers probably know that cigarettes will kill them.
Drug users probably know that drugs will kill and mess you up big time.
Alcoholics probably know that having just ONE drink isn't a good idea.
A food addict knows that ordering a double cheeseburger through the drive thru is not a good idea.  

So it's not simply "knowing the right way to do it" that will keep you from sabotaging yourself.  I believe that your head and heart, needs to be 100% in the right place to stop and control yourself.  No matter how much I know that the double cheeseburger will kill me, if I want it bad enough, the drive thru isn't that far away.  

So you see, for me, I need my head in the right place.  I needed the switch flipped on. I knew that this plan would help get that switch back on. I can't imagine sticking 13 days with this diet and then on day 14 going through the drive through for a Big Mac and fries. It just isn't going to happen.  

The switch is on.

Day 80 of 120

The timing of this new plan was perfect.  This is one of the reasons I subjected volunteered myself to try it out.  I didn't want to start  a new plan one week before my vacation.  Now, I've already decided that this vacation will NOT be about food, but I might have been hesitant to try a new routine, right before vacation.  Plus, I just had my period last week so I knew that the evil time of the month was over so I wouldn't be able to use that as an excuse for anything.

Day 2 of Operation Guinea Pig as Kelly has named it. It went well.  There was hunger at times but nothing that made me want to inhale the refrigerator or anything. I am freezing though. Absolutely, positively freezing.  No idea if it has anything to do with my meals or the fact that it's 42 degrees outside and they are predicting snow for the morning. Yeah, I'm sure that is what it is. 

I want to lose weight. Plain and simple.  Right now, this is working. I'm feeling good and I still have a my evening snack to eat while watching Biggest Loser!

Day 79 of 120

So today is day 1 of the Phase 6 diet preview.  This is a preview and I have asked to do this.  Nothing is being forced upon me. He has asked that we keep the details to ourselves for the time being. His challenge, his rules, I'm okay with that.

The challenge for real starts the beginning of June. Email Allan if you are interested in losing weight. If you join the challenge and follow it, you WILL lose weight.  I guarantee it.

In the past and current phase of Allans challenges, he has given his participants a list of challenge foods. The challenge is, of course, to eat THOSE foods, stick to the plan and lose weight.  He has never asked us to eat anything odd, obscure, unhealthy or disgusting.  (well, there was that ravioli incident...)  Anyways, I don't think I am giving anything away by saying that this is similar.  Eat the foods on the plan and succeed.  Simple as that.  I am well nourished, well fed and eating better and cleaner than many people in the world. I have nothing to complain about. 12 days to go.

Day 78 of 120

I pretty much wasted the last 2 weeks as far as dieting.  I didn't do anything to intensely sabotage myself but I did nothing to help the situation, that's for sure.  The scale has been hovering around 211 all week but today sported up to 212.4.  Not nice at all. I didn't click a picture as I couldn't find the camera. The kids had it in their room taking pictures of their Lego creations. 

So, my head hasn't been in gear.  At all. So I committed myself to help test out out a new challege. I'm starting tomorrow morning.  I pretty much knew what I was getting into when I emailed him.  I knew it wouldn't be pretty but it would be effective. I was also fairly certain that KFC or Taco Bell wouldn't be on the list of foods.  Well, all I can tell you so far is that I was indeed correct. No KFC or Taco Bell.  Sheesh!  What kind of diet IS this!  :-)

Day 77 of 120

Ok, so not posting doesn't necessarily mean falling off the wagon.  Not that I have been doing great but I kinda made a decision not to post. Life is busy. I know that sounds lame, everyone is busy.  My busy-ness just keeps getting kicked up a notch all the time.  I'm happy though, but exhausted. And trying to spend time doing the more important things, so blogging gets left behind sometimes. 

By the end of the night, I hate feeling like I have to think of something to write about just to put up a blog post. So I just didn't.  If I have something enlightening to say, I'll post.  If I feel like complaining about the weather or something banal like that, I might post.

My other blog keeps me pretty busy as well. I'm way ahead on recipes and I just keep making more.  Funny, sometimes I don't really even eat what I make.  I've been cooking for my dad a lot and making things for the rest of the family while I eat something else.

That being said, I haven't been super focused on dieting. I don't know what changed. I'm certainly not binging or doing anything completely stupid, I just lost focus and have been struggling to get it back.  I need to get my head back into the game.  Summers coming and I need to lose this stomach. Amongst other things.  

Day 72 of 120

It's Tax Day!  Hope everyone finished and got their taxes in on time.  They even gave us a few extra days this year! What will you be spending YOUR tax refund on!  Or are you writing the depressing check TO the goverment?

I pulled this out of a readers digest several months ago. It's quite interesting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where Your Taxes Go

A U.S. taxpayer earning in the 2009 median income ($34,140) and paying $5,400 in federal income tax and FICA ponies up for the following, for starters:

Social Security: $1,040.70

Medicare: $625.51

Medicaid: $385.28

Interest on the national debt: $287.03

Combat operations in Iraq and Afghanistan: $229.17

Military personnel: $192.79

Veterans benefits: $74.65

Federal highways: $63.89

Health-care research (NIH):  $46.54

Foreign aid: $46.08

Education funding for low income students: $38.17

Military retirement benefits: $32.60

Pell Grants for low-income college students: $29.75

NASA space program: $28.09

Internal Revenue Service: $17.69

Environmental cleanup (EPA): $11.67

FBI: $11.21

Head Start: $10.91

Public housing: $10.50

National parks: $4.27

Drug Enforcement Administration: $3.14

Amtrak: $2.23

Smithsonian Museum: $1.12

Funding for the arts: $0.24

Salaries and benefits for members of Congress: $0.19

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought it was quite interesting.  Wouldn't it be interesting to have a goverment who didn't need to spend so many resources on military?  What if the focus was just on the people?  Someday soon...

Day 71 of 120

Well, the scale was the only thing about today not cooperating.  Granted it wasn't the scales fault exactly. I didn't eat THAT much more than I should have but the focus wasn't there. Well, it's back. Today was a great day, we spent a few hours doing our volunteer work.  It was very cool but the sun was out which made it so, so, so much better. I'm just happier when the sun is out.  We had a fantastic meeting tonight.  All is good. :-) 

Day 70 of 120

My dad has been in the hospital for the last few days, just got out today.  Not doing the greatest but he's okay.  I'm not feeling well either, it must be the weather. It snowed this morning. April 16th and it snowed. I know, nothing TOO unusual for Minnesota but still highly annoying.  I've been cold all day. I didn't even want to leave the house.  Off to bed to read for a bit.  Weigh in tomorrow, not overly looking forward to it. 

Day 68 of 120

The day went well.  I seem to be back on track. I had a little scare tonight, my dad was in the hospital but it seems to be going fine. He's 76, has prostate cancer but has otherwise been fairly healthy. 

Don't forget to enter my giveaway for a free weight loss book and a box of cheerios! Enter here!

Day 67 of 120

I just read that a fellow blogger posted that someone in his family committed suicide recently.  Tragic loss, especially for the family who have to live with it the rest of their lives. 

It made me think.

I've been on sorta an emotional roller coaster.  Up and down. Not suicidally down but just everyday things.  It's been going well but this morning was a bad morning.  No real reason, it just was and I ate.  Because I felt like it. Not binging or anything, nothing that I can't make up for, but I did it. I did it on purpose, even though I kept telling myself not to. 

I feel like I tried to commit suicide. Just a little bit. By eating so much. This much weight on my body is killing me.  Obviously there are hundreds of diseases that the percentage of getting is amplified greatly by being obese.  But there are other way that it's "killing" me.  Mentally, I hate it. I hate the way I look and it prevents me from doing so many things that I want to do.  Spiritually it's killing me because the bible warns against gluttony and I don't feel I can accurately represent God, while doing this to my body.  So for me to spend a morning eating many ritz crackers, munching on cereal and eating leftovers off the kids' plates, way too big of a lunch that I wasn't hungry for, is like committing suicide to me.  Especially when I have the tools and the mental capability to avoid this.  After each Ritz cracker I kept thinking, "What the hell am I doing?". 

What the hell WAS I thinking?!  I have yet to see 1/2 pack of Ritz crackers or a few handfuls of cheerios on the plan menu.

If I continue this behavior, it will be my family who has to suffer.  My kids don't get to do things with me as much because of it.  Me dying spiritually would greatly affect my kids as they depend on my to teach them. Obviously physically dying would cause them huge suffering as well.

I have a plan for the rest of the day that does not include much food.  Hubs just brought home salad lettuce so that and mass amounts of water is the plan.  The rest of the day will be busy, so enough wallowing.    

Day 66 of 120

I spent last night reading history and literature and then crawled to bed.  Tonight we've been playing math and spelling games with the kids and watching The Biggest Loser. Busy days and fun nights leave little time for blogging. 

Eating and drinking well. Dry as can be though.  Tomorrow I'll swallow a lake to get the dryness away. :-)

Day 64 of 120

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My scale pictures are dark, no idea why.  My toenails look rotton too. I so need to paint them. After all, it's coming on sandal season around here.

My progress report on the right hand side is goofy. I can't edit it to look normal, no idea why. 

Numbers look good, I've noticed I tend to have one bigger week a month of loss, then the other weeks trickle down.  As long as they continue going down. Not that I would mind another big weeks worth of loss.  Wouldn't it be awesome to be out of the teens next week??  Hmmmm...

Day 63 of 120

I love April.  Especially this April. Things are looking up, big time. 

1. I'm doing a volunteer work this month that I love, love, love.  It's given me energy and such fulfillment!  I am spiritually refreshed and rejuvenated. It doesn't matter how stinking early I have to get up in the morning, I'm able to tackle this work with enthusiasm.

2. The snow is gone and the weather is finally turning around.  The kids are SO excited for summer. We're already making plans for vacation, parties and the beach. 

3. I've had some issues with a friend that has left me quite depressed and hurt the last several months but have finally made peace with it.  The peace isn't with her but I have truly come to terms with it and I am now so much happier.
 
4. I no longer have a month long headache.  That was a killer. I don't know what it was from but it started when I began taking the supplement fish oil and stopped when I stopped taking it.  They say there are no side effects from it but who knows. I'm off the fish oil and the headache is gone.
 
5. I'm not COMPLETELY dreading buying a swimsuit. I'll be able to go down at least a size or two.  I'm at my lowest in weight that I've been in at least 20 years.  Still have a LOT to go but I'm encouraged and hopeful.

There certainly are stresses and other things going on but if I can just focus on these good things, I know it will turn out well.  Of course, they are predicting severe storms and tornado's tomorrow. That would certainly change things... 

Day 62 of 120

Look what I've been getting in the mail!  Chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate!! 

First, Kel from Between the Lines sent me a gift certificate for Choc Create.  You can create your own chocolate bar.  If nothing else, it's FUN. They have hundreds of different toppings for your chocolate bar, including gold flakes!  I let my kids each create a bar of chocolate. I must say, they spent a LOT of time deciding which topping to get. 

My friend Christy from Fudge Ripple was kind enough to send us a dozen of these chocolate walnut brownies just for donating to the relief effort in Japan.  How sweet is that!!  We all enjoyed this dessert!  Yes, I did sneak a tiny bite. 

To my kids' delight, we won 2 boxes of girl scout cookies.  Nothing against the girl scouts but I don't buy these. At. All.  So my kids and husband were thrilled with these 2 boxes thanks to Wendy from Around My Family Table.

While we're on the chocolate theme.  Look what I had for dinner one day a few week ago. Chocolate hummus. It might not have been exactly plan food but hey, it was hummus!  I used Splenda for the sugar and very little oil so it really wasn't that bad.  Store bought hummus had WAY more calories!  My kids helped eat it so I wasn't left with the whole batch myself.  I made it with some homemade whole wheat tortilla chips with a bit of splenda/cinnamon sprinkled on them. Oh so good! 

Hopefully hummus will be on next week menu. I highly doubt Girl Scout cookies will be!  :-)

Check out my giveaway on my recipe blog for a healthy diet book and a coupon!  Enter here!

Day 61 of 120

I missed it! I missed the half way point.  Came home last night and went directly to bed, the computer wasn't even a thought.  I don't even know if I still have my days right but if I do, yesterday was the half way point in this challenge.  Self analysis time. I think I have done well, but I know I can do better.  So my goal for the 2nd half is to do better. Summer IS just around the corner, you know!?  I need to buy a new swimsuit!  I'm waiting until mid - May for that task.

Day 59 of 120

The weather redeemed itself today and it stayed sunny and was in the 50's. It was a much better day to be outside.

I had an odd eating day. I stuck to plan but totally wasn't in the mood for breakfast this morning so had my chicken salad for breakfast. Actually, I put salsa as my dressing to make it like a taco salad.  For breakfast. It totally was what I was craving first thing in the morning. Go figure. Then I had breakfast for lunch.  Waffles with real fruit jam instead of maple syrup. It was awesome.

It's also amazing how much longer the day seems now that I'm getting up at 5.  It's 8 pm now and my taco salad breakfast this morning seems like days ago. The kids are munching on popcorn and I'm so ready for bed.

Day 58 of 120

Minnesota weather. So we left the house right after the daycare kids left.  We're walking the neighborhood handing out invitations to a special event coming up.  It's about 40 degrees and sunny but windy.  It was the wind that was rough.  But the sun was out which made it much better.  All of a sudden, one of my kids says,

"Is that snow?"

Sure enough, a few ice crystals were popping around us out of the few clouds that hung above.  All of a sudden, one pissed off cloud comes above and snow pours out and we have a 25 second blizzard.  While we're outside, with no mittens and hat and thin jackets.  (We're Minnesotans and it's spring, who needs mittens and hats any more?!)

Then the clouds part, out comes the sun and the snow is gone.  Ah, weather in Minnesota.  Gotta love it.

Day 57 of 120

I think I figured out why I always seem to "gain" weight on Sundays. My camera weighs like 3/4 of a pound.  Today I was like "Hey, yesterday I was in the 213's!  It all balances out of course but it still is sad to see the scale go up. As long as it continues to go down each week, I won't complain! 

Weekends are way too fast.  Tomorrow can't be Monday already, can it?  *sigh*  Off to bed.

Day 56 of 120

Whew!  Yesterday was one of those non stop days.  Work, left the house, ate, came home and instantly crashed.  I thought briefly of posting but I was practically snoring as I walked in the house.  Eating was fine.  I ate a light dinner before we left so when Hubs and the kids ate at Subway, I just enjoyed watching them.  I did have a bite of the daughters sub but didn't need anything else.  They were thrilled, I let them have chips.  Chips are a major taboo here so they are a not-very-often treat for them. 

I've drank a ton of water today. Well, I drink a lot every day but today it seems that I've drank WAY more.  I haven't really kept track but my minimum I drink if my 8 - 16 oz. waters.  I had 4 in by noon and have filled the water bottle many, many times since then. Seems weird that I don't seem to be going to the bathroom any more than usual.  Well, that just means that I'll gain 3 lbs. tomorrow or I'll be up every hour on the hour tonight peeing. 

Food went well tonight. I am full, I didn't eat too much, probably because of all the water.