Vitalicious Giveaway!

I have an awesome giveaway posted on my other blog.  Go there and enter and win a whole box of these super delicious 100 calorie vitatops!!

I also made a cool dessert from one of the vitatops.  The dessert is on the giveaway page.  Hint, hint, I'm trying to get you to go there.  Interestingly, I wasn't too hungry for dinner so I ended up just eating that for dinner. Not bad to eat a 230 calories fairly heathy, dessert dinner!!  I did have some popcorn this evening though. I got a little hungry. 

We had a really low key day.  Hubs worked so me and the kids just chilled at home.  Played some games, wrote some recipe posts up, did some bible reading with the kids.  Pretty good day. I ate okay.  I didn't keep track of calories. I don't think I set any records for eating the least amount of calories in one day but I didn't break the bank either.

Playlists

I just bought a couple new MP3 players for me and the kids to listen to while exercising. So I have been devising song playlists for us to listen to.  Now, most of my music during the day consists of Laurie Berkner kids songs or some of the really annoying kids songs that you just have to be 4 to like. Sure we like to jump around to Kiss' I Want To Rock and Roll All Night or Rock Me Amadeus but for the most part, we stick to the kids songs.

When I am by myself or *gasp* exercising, obviously Weenie Man just isn't going to cut it.  So I finally put together a mommy play list.  For my ears only.  My "mommy playlists" in the past have consisted of songs that I like but ones that the kids can tolerate and like too. I am blessed that my kids and I do enjoy many of the same songs. 

However, I have quite the array of songs.  I don't stick to just one genre.  I like rock, country, punk, 80's, religious songs, some classical, some heavy metal, pop, love songs, whatever.  From Air Supply to Zepplin, I like a lot of different stuff.

I also like to put many different kinds of music together on one playlist. So I don't like to have all slow songs together. Too depressing. I totally couldn't handle an all country playlist. I would go crazy.  Nor do I like constant 80's tunes or constant headbanging music in succession.

I know, I'm rambling, I just spent the last hour dealing with music so it's on my mind so bear with me.  So I get my playlist together and I'm listening to it and I just started laughing.  My husband started looking at me funny too.   Laughing at the ludicrousy of some of the songs that are back to back.  I listened to I Made It Through The Rain by Barry Manillow.  Such a pretty song, it put me in a quiet reflective mood. Immediately followed by Puddle of Mudd's Psycho. I just can't think of more opposite songs yet I love them both.

This really has nothing to do with weight loss or dieting but for the fact that it kept my hand out of the cookie jar while doing it.  More accurately, my hand away from the latest Amish Friendship bread.  Oh my, this is a good one.  

Music has become essential for exercising around here. My kids are trying to get into running and they are so psyched when they can listen to music while running. It improves their attitude immensely!

So, do you need music when you exercise?  What do you listen to?  I am always open for suggestions! 

Today went well for food but for the constant dipping into the chocolate chips and pecans as I was making dessert.  Still came in fine.  I weighed myself this morning and the water weight has officially went away.  We're back.  So it's game time.  (with my new playlist!)

Cheerleaders

Ok, enough whining.

I feel that's all I've been doing is whining.

I'm busy. (we're all busy)
I like to snack.  (who doesn't)
I'm discouraged. (That's life)
I feel alone.  Uh, I don't. Really I don't.

I so appreciate all my cheerleaders out there. Just the few comments really help.  It's not that my family isn't helping, they just don't get it in the same way.

I need to give a shout out to Jo from Weight On Me at 50 who comments regularly and keeps me motivated. There certainly are others that I love so, so much but Jo just seems to inspire me just when I need it.  Not that I am putting pressure to anyone to comment, I know it's hard.  I have so many that I try to get to but I just can't every day. I love reading all your blogs and others. It truly helps not to feel alone when I read about your struggles, successes, failures and hopes.  I think I've posted something like this before but it needs to be said again. Thank you!

I ate decently today.  I made a super delicious Ethiopian dish today from Lentils and Sweet Potatoes.  I think I'll post it on my recipe blog tomorrow or Saturday.  It was super tasty, super low calorie and super filling.  Super, huh.

Weigh In: July 28 Summer 15 Challenge

I didn't post yesterday. I had a super bad migraine all day and just felt horrible and went to bed early.  I ate about 1400 calories yesterday. 

So my weight is going the wrong way.  Totally the wrong way.  I gained 4.6 lbs.  Bad as that number is, it was almost twice that a few days ago. I've already lost a lot of the water weight from this weekend and I'm HOPING that there is a couple of more lbs. in there yet to go away. My feet and legs are still swollen.

It's funny, I never had SUCH an issue with salt and water gain before.  At least it wasn't noticed.  If I eat out once, I notice it the next day. A bit.  We ate out a LOT this last weekend, plus I ate a 260 ish calorie bag of chips every day plus completely unhealthy hotel breakfast every day. I came on Monday looking like you could just pop me I was so puffy!  I've never seen such dramatic results from this before.  Does anyone else have this issue?

So I've been drinking water like crazy and it's starting to come back to normal. Not that gaining 4.6 lbs. in a week is normal by any degree.

The only good thing about seeing such horrible scale numbers is that it keeps me focused. But what happens next week?  Do I go back to my "snacking" ways?  God, I hope not! 

I've seen several different kinds of weight loss blogs. I've seen the ones that people are super pumped about losing weight and then all of a sudden.  Nothing.  Then I've seen the ones where you see a steady decline in weight and they are doing SO WELL. I so wanted to be that blog.  I still have the hopes of being that blog.

What I refuse to be is the blog that just STOPS.  That would have disasterous results.  So I am determined to keep posting even if you all see me go back up to 300 lbs.  (Please come over and shake me silly if you see THAT happen). 
__________________________________________________

Wrote that above this morning, now off to bed.

So today went well. Still snacked a bit more than necessary. I ate about 1600 calories and drank about 5 gallons of water and peed every 5 minutes. My feet and legs are still swollen more than normal but not as bad as yesterday.

Really???!!!!

I so can't believe what the scale said this morning. I mean, I know I ate out WAY too much and I know that we ate snacks upon snacks but really? How can someone gain THAT much weight in like 5 days? I'm so not even telling what it said. I am just hoping I can make up SOME of it by the time Weigh in Wednesday rolls around.


Yes, I know. That isn't much time.

I ate only about 1000 calories today. Not because I was trying to starve myself. I think honestly I could just FEEL all the crap I've eaten over vacation and I just didn't want to eat. I need to have another low sodium, healthy day tomorrow. And forever actually.

BacK : Day One Again?

*sigh*

The busy week is over.  Can I breathe yet?  Maybe once I get through the thousands of emails and wash the 40 loads of laundry and get everything unpacked.  Then I can breathe. 

I am so tired.

I so meant to go to bed 1/2 hour ago.  I wanted to post though. 

I ate a lot this weekend. And ended the weekend by bringing home pizza and eating too much of it.  So, yet again. Tomorrow is day one.  I am hoping to wake up refreshed and ready to re-start my goals. I really have no more excuses. I am sure I will try to find some.  But know, that I really have no valid excuses. The calendar is pretty much clear for August.  I didn't bring home too many snacks from vacation so all should be good. 

Time will tell.  And so will the scale. 

Weigh In: July 21 Summer 15 Challenge

I knew today wasn't going to be pretty. Not nice at all. I'm so heading the wrong direction.  Not that I'm surprised.  I haven't been focusing at all. Sure, I've been busy. Actually, I've been crazy beyond belief busy and that is highly unusual.  Still no excuse.

Today was horrible. Two words. Amusement Park & McDonald's.  Okay, that was more than 2 words but you get the drift.  I ate enough sodium to last the entire month.

I am reading a book.  A weight loss book. I'm going to finish it and let you know what it is and how awesome it is soon.  He's talking about how every Monday was a "new Day 1" for the diet and how by the end of the week it would result in failure.  Until the Monday and the new "Day 1".  That's what I keep doing.  I'm yoyo-ing the same 5 lbs. and it's getting annoying. 

Sigh.

I'm going to be gone until Sunday night. We're going to an awesome convention and will hopefully come home refreshed and ready to start.  Again.  I am packing good food for the convention and we're not planning to eat out except for one night of pizza.  (I'll be good).

So for the Summer 15 challenge, I'm at 238.2 which is a  4.2 lb. gain I believe?  No way am I going to make the 15 lbs. by September 7th but I am still going on and going to track my numbers!!!  I won't give up.

Crazy Busy Vacation

Did I mention I am on vacation? Again?  I sure don't feel like it. It's so crazy around her. It's one thing after another. Today was family picnic on my husbands side of the family. Small gathering and fun. The kids had a blast. 

I brought a super healthy waldorf salad that everyone loved. I'll post it on my recipe blog next week.  I also brought coconut macaroons.  I'll be posting those bad boys too.  I was good and only had one. I was also good and LEFT THEM AT GRANDMA'S HOUSE. Yup! I learned my lesson. Don't bring food back home! 

I ate good.  I didn't calorie track. Too busy.  I am guessing about 1600 calories. I really didn't eat that much.  Who knows though. My scale isn't looking too good.  I think I'm in for a gain this week.  Will let you know tomorrow!! 

After the picnic...

Ugh! I survived the picnic because I was busy and I didn't think about eating. I was having fun talking and seeing people I hadn't seen before so I didn't think about overeating.  That was GOOD! Then I brought home the leftovers!! 

WHYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

Seriously?  Who did I think was going to eat the rest of the pasta salad?  Who did I think was going to eat a bunch of the delicious minty cookies that I made?  Then I made a nice dinner for myself with a plan. Made spaghetti for the kids and ended up eating WAY more of the garlic bread then I intended!! 

I can make all the excuses in the world. It was a busy day.  I'm having my period.  It is a busy, crazy, not normal week. I just didn't feel like tracking. I was hungry and WANTED to eat. That's the reality of it. I chose poorly.  :-( 

I didn't eat like 3000 calories or anything stupid like that.  I just ate junk.  I have no idea how many calories I ate. Too many that's for sure. And it was junk.  Pure junk.

Sorry for the whiny post.  I'm just hoping that I will be able to read back on this and say, "what the heck was I thinking" and be able to move past it!! 

Survived The Picnic!

Just got back from family picnic number one for the week.  We are on vacation this week and it's busy, busy, busy!!  So we saw MY side of the family today and it was fun. Not to big but a lot of nice food. I did good. I had a hamburger, some pasta salad, small handful of chips, a bit more pasta salad and 2 cookies.  Not too bad. I also barely ate anything before that, just a nutrigrain bar and a piece of turkey so I was pretty hungry by the time that the picnic came around. 

No idea how many calories but I'm happy!

Setting Myself Up For Failure?

So today is the first day of what may be a bad week for eating.  I'm on vacation again which means the routine is completely different, we have a super busy week filled with a local fair, 2 family BBQ's, an amusement park and a long weekend at a hotel. 

I don't want to set myself up for failure by just giving up this week.  That would be just stupid. I am being realistic though that I'm NOT going to be coming in under 1500 calories a day anytime soon.

Today was the local fair.  Rather than eat fair food, we opted to go to a restaurant instead. It was a buffet.  *sigh*  Buffets are so good, but evil.  I didn't do as horrible as I used to but I didn't do as good as I should have. (boy, I've said that before!!)  Tomorrow is family picnic number one.  Luckily it's fairly small and it won't be a huge smorgasbord of food.  Still there will be chips. Can I keep away from the evil chips?? 

I will try.

Stupid Chocolate Chips

Snacking is continuing to be a problem. I made a dessert today for a family picnic and I sampled way too many chocolate chips.  It's dumb stuff like that, that I keep doing. Grr.

I figure with the stupid chocolate chips, I came in at about 1900 calories.  Those little buggers pack a lot of calories when you are taking small handfulls of them! 

Tomorrow won't be the greatest of days either. We're literally going to be gone from 7 am until after fireworks at 10.  Long day and eating out!!!  I'll try to make good choices!

...things growing in the basement

Sorry, this is going to be one of those highly uninspirational, boring posts.  Long, busy day and I really need the bed!  I DO need to be accountable and continue to write here though.  So if I ate 14 cupcakes and a bag of doritos.  I WON'T be able to just ignore it and deny that it ever happened.

It didn't happen. Thank goodness!

It could though.

Today went fairly well.  I went over, probably about 1700 calories but not necessarily from lack of control.  Went to my dads to help clean his house, (holy smokes I won't tell you what I found growing in the basement!).  So we brought pizza.  I should have just stuck to my 2 pieces but then I went for the oh so buttery garlicky breadsticks.  Oh well, life goes on and tomorrow is another day.  Tomorrow will be busy too, hopefully too busy to snack!! 

Weigh In: July 14 - Summer 15 Challenge

Weigh in Wednesday.  Oh, the evil scale. How I dread thee... 

Despite my continuous snacking throughout the week, I did manage to lost 1.8 lbs. this week.  That's what it's telling me so we're going with it.  Never mind that I had to blow my nose, shave my legs, clip my toenails and spit into the sink before achieving that number. 

The summer 15 challenge isn't going to well.  I'm going to have to haul some serious butt (and my butt IS serious) to lose 15 lbs. by September - ish.  I'm still up by 1.4 lbs. My math skills in some of my posts have been wrong but I started at 234 for the Summer 15 challenge and I'm at 235.4 for the day so I'm up by 1.4 I guess. Maybe by next week I'll break even!!

I ate good today! I came in at about 1500 calories and limited the snacking. I had a 130 calorie Nutrigrain bar that I didn't need nor was I hungry for but that's okay. At least I didn't have 3 of them.

Stick To The Plan

So I am making a decision to eat about 400 - 500 calories more than I want to each day.  I don't particularly LIKE this decision but I continue to do this every day.  You'd think that if it was so easy to decide to DO it, it would be just as simple to decide NOT to do it. 

Wouldn't you think?

It's not like when I grab those 2 breakfast bars I don't KNOW that they weren't on the meal plan. I am not rationalizing that I ran an extra mile so I can afford it. I know darn well that I am going OVER what I want to be at for calories.

Yet. I. Still. Do. It. 

I wouldn't say that I am completely blowing it. I'm still within decent limits. But there still is that lack of control which bugs the jeebers out of me!!!  Come on! Just get over it already!  Eat whats on the plan.  Stick to it. 

I came in at about 1900 calories today.  Dumb.  Stick to the plan.  Tomorrow's Weigh In day!!

Snacking

Short post. Off to bed. Nothing much happening here today. Busy day.  I did track my food yet as usual, snacked more than I should have. I think I came in at about 1700 calories again.  I'm still coming in 300 - 500 calories more than I want to. I KNOW it is the snacking.  Yet my hand keeps taking and putting it in the mouth. 

Maybe I need to have a talk with the hand...

I've got a CSN giveaway going on at my recipe blog!  It's open until the 19th!

New Challenge

I've joined the Awesome By August weight challenge.  This is hosted by Kat's Adventured in Dietland, 265 and Falling and Brooke, Not On A Diet.  It's a 4 week challenge to see who can lose the highest percentage by August 6th.

So now I'm involved in a few challenges.  I love them. I need all the help I can get. I really don't care about the prize, I really JUST want to lose weight and having to take a picture of the scale and email it to someone is humbling!  Whatever works!

I ate good today, went a bit overboard on the dumb Amish Friendship bread that I have been making every 10 days but I've cut the oil in it so it's not quite as caloric as before. I ate about 1600 calories. 

Living in Denial

So we went to the waterpark on vacation.  I notice the people all the time, I love people watching. This year I looked closer and was so saddened by so many overweight people.  So many unhealthy people.  I am one of them.

I am not judging anyone, I'm not grossed out by their fat or disgusted by their lack of healthy awareness. I am SAD for their lack of control and committment.  I am sad for their state of health.  I am sad for their complete denial.

That's what it is. Denial. I know this because I lived it for many, many years.

Sure they know they are overweight.  Yes, they know that eating fatty foods and desserts won't help. They know on some level. Yet they keep doing it.  They know it but it's like this downward spiral that they just can't go up and it gets worse and worse.

This blog has helped me a lot. I haven't made a ton of weigh loss progress since I started this blog but I truly believe had I not been writing every day, I would have gained more. Much more. 

I broke free of my complete denial a few years ago when I was diagnosed with diabetes.  That woke me up. I learned, focused and lost 100 lbs.  Then I got comfortable. Then I gained. Let me tell you, at 237 lbs, I am far from comfortable!  I've been stuck since.  This blog has helped. Having to post daily has kept me from living in denial and not thinking about what I ate. 

I ate okay today.  We did go out to eat, I don't know for sure what kind of calories I ate. It wasn't horrible, it wasn't great either.  However it was much better than it would have been if I wasn't writing this blog. 

Sorry, this has been kind of a rambly post. I had one thought at the beginning and then sorta went another direction. Writer, I am not. Tired, I am.

Nyquil Hangover

Question: What's worse thank eating snacks when you aren't hungry??

Answer: Eating snacks while not hungry while having a stuffed up nose and sore throat and can't even TASTE the snacks! 

Seriously, same junk today as always.  Today, my excuse was that eating felt good on my throat.  It did but I'll bet that celery would have felt just as good as a Nutrigrain Bar or 100 calorie snack packs or pieces of cheese off the kids' plates and other stuff that I have no desire to remember. 

I just drank a ton of Nyquil so I'm off to la-la land.  I drank a TON of water this evening to keep from coughing so I'll be up peeing all night too.  I'm quite sure I'll wake up to a Nyquil hangover in the morning. I always do. 

I'm Still Hungry!!!

Have you ever eaten dinner and for a bit, actually feel hungrier after you've eaten it?  I was really hungry, ate a 400 calorie healthy meal and I actually felt like my stomach was still rumbling and hungry!  How annoying!  This doesn't happen too often but it's happened before. 

Usually the feeling goes away pretty quick because obviously I'm NOT really hungry.  The stomach just recieved 400 calories, it has work to do!

I don't like being hungry. I don't like being fat. Hunger will go away. Fat stays a lot longer.

I almost didn't want to post today.  I kept snacking all day, I just can't get a stinking handle on it!  Grrr.  I had about 2000 calories probably. Waaaayyyyyy too much.  I had to estimate some things and I usually estimate high but it was probably close to that.  Not good. Off to bed.

Weigh In: July 7 - Summer 15 Challenge

I was SOOOO disappointed by last weeks gain that I was determined not to gain this week. I didn't do as well eating as I would have liked but at least the scale showed a loss.  My ankle and leg aren't swollen anymore so maybe it's because of that. Who knows.

So I have a 1.2 loss for this week.  I'll take it.

So for the Summer 15 challenge, I'm still a gain of 4 lbs.  Yuck. So 19 to go if I am in the running of the million dollar prize.  Er, or the drawing.

I ate too much today. Not horrible but just too much snacking.  A few ritz, a few pretzels, a finger full or two of peanut butter.  Stupid stuff.  I'm sure I ate about 1800 calories.  The snacking is GOT to stop! I'm taking in 400 - 500 calories extra just with stupid snacks!  Grrr.

This is linked with Weekly Weigh In hosted by Marvelous Mommy!  Join up with your weekly weigh in and keep accountable!

Stop Making Excuses!

What is it about weekends?  Why do we give ourselves silent permission to snack and eat bad food.  We always regret it. 

I've been seeing post after post about people who just lost it over the weekend and I keep seeing the same pattern.  This just happened to be a long weekend and a holiday which made it much worse!

We make excuses that "It's not my normal routine" or "There was a BBQ and I couldn't help it".  Dang it, those are just excuses!  We CAN help it. We still are making the CHOICE to eat those desserts or snack on junk we know we shouldn't.  The temptations are NOT beyond our control yet we choose to let ourselves believe that it IS too much temptation. 

We need to take control of the weekends and not let them control us!  It CAN be done. I am SO done with excuses!  It's how we became super fat in the first place.  We all WANT to lose weight so enough with all the excuses and just DO IT!

Yes, I'm talking to mainly myself.  But maybe you should listen too!  :-)

Right after I wrote this, earlier this morning, Anti Jared posted something about making excuses on holiday weekends too.

I finished up the day at about 1500 calories.  I ate an amazingly good dinner that I will share on my recipe blog tomorrow night.  It was a turkey black bean burger and southwestern butternut squash.  It was healthy, low calorie and incredibly tasty!

Bacon grease, Wendys & Pizza!

Yes, I ate all 3 today. I made bacon for a picnic and then fried my egg in a wee small amount of bacon grease this morning.  We then were out for errands in the afternoon and stopped at Wendys.  I just had a $1 chicken sandwich that I'm sure had WAY too many calories and grease.  I ate just a small amount of food at the picnic, but then failed the day by eating 3 pieces of unnecessary pizza this evening.  Grrr. 

I would have been fine without the pizza.  I wasn't even hungry, it was just cheesy, greasy and tasty.  Sadly, what I enjoy the most.  Other than that, I had a pretty good weekend. 

Memories...

It's funny how many memories are associated with food.  Another blogger made a simple comment about making "real" popcorn rather than the microwave popcorn and all these memories of "real" popcorn came to mind.

When I was a kid, Friday night was popcorn night. It was the night that The Dukes of Hazard was on so of course it was special!  My dad would put in a ton of oil, pop the corn and then melt an entire stick of popcorn and drizzle it on top.  Boy, THAT was good popcorn!  My mouth is watering just thinking about it. 

Now I sit and eat my 100 calorie portion of popcorn which is WAY more expensive, tastes just "okay" and is probably full of chemicals and who knows what else. 

It is different, but I'm not sure if it's necessarily better.  Are the chemicals and fake butters that we are putting in our bodies really helping us?  Yes, it's nice to have that pre-portioned pack of popcorn or whatever but it's hard to know if it's really helping us. Wouldn't it be nice to just be able to have the control to just eat a small bowl of real butter clad popcorn and have it be enough? 

I don't have that control and it is infuriating!  So for now, I stick with the 100 calories chemical filled popcorn.

I didn't post yesterday, I just forgot.  I ate about 1700 calories yesterday and about 1400 today. 

Feeling the Upswing of Things!

I'm way too tired to think of anything even remotely witty to say tonight. Seems to be a pattern of that, huh. 

I planned well and ate pretty much according to plan.  I ate about 1800 calories which was high but I kept in control, which is important for me. The details aren't important but the fact that I can type this without any major regets is huge for me. It's been SOOOOOOO depressing when I do things that weren't planned and so stupid. 

Consistency is where I have been lacking. I am so hoping that this weekend goes well. My confidence boosts as I gain consistency and control.  I am feeling the upswing so hopefully it will continue that way!

Giving Up

I just read a post about quitting and how we need to make sure that today is NOT that day for quitting.

I've been fighting this battle for a long time and I have truly seen some good times and bad times.  I get depressed a lot.  Though I'm pretty good about hiding it. Sometimes I really feel like quitting would be easier.

Would it?  Really?

Quitting would be like saying I am happy with how I look and how I feel. Quitting would be like saying I can't do any better than this.  Quitting would be like not caring about myself.  Or my family.  Because they are affected by this too.

Quitting would make me more depressed and angry with myself because I would have failed. How can I control anything if I can't control what I put in my mouth? 

I'm not quitting.  Not today. Not ever. I can't. I won't.

Today I did good. I avoided the unnecessary sweets. For some reason that seems to be my downfall lately.  I ate about 1400 calories.  Lots of water.  I'm so not quitting.